Let's Open the Cookie Jar

about this blog

it's basically the inside of sakinah's brain.
but mercifully edited, censored, and anaesthesised with a heavy dose of prozac.

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Design: doughnutcrazy
Icon: morphine_kissed

actually, mozart made me write this

I've often toyed with the idea of having latent ADHD or minor schizophrenia during the many, many times when attention(and possibly sanity) sputters and leaves me hanging on to the cacophony of voices in my head. They would shout at each other over the one corner of my mind that I can call my own, growing ever larger and threatening to take over all. But I'm not necessarily frightened. Sure, there are bad days, but night always falls at the end of it and the blanket of dark studded with stars make better reflective sessions than Prof Luis'(no matter how kind, informative or frank he might be).

In the end, I would search for the correct clinical diagnosis of ADHD and find out that I am far more fortunate than what the statistics describe. True, my train of thoughts typically run late, some of the carriages are empty, the tracks are awfully bumpy, but take a look at the scenery outside. Forest crowned mountain, azure skies with rainbow stripes, fishes with wings, baseball boys batting away- it's an enchanting sight deserving to be frozen in time and in memory. But the beauty of ideas, of imagination, is that it expands and it grows! The mountain swells up and belches out smoke and lava (it's a volcano!), cats and dogs start falling from the skies (can I hear KER-SPLAT?) and the baseball boys, well, lets keep that one to myself (*tee-hee*).

However, usually, unfortunately, sadly; the train would pull its stop way too soon. Here I am stranded in the middle of nowhere. Here I am tracing the remains of a premature idea.

And the voices in my head would falter to a stop, while my own rises uncontrollably begging and crying for them to return. Ideas and imagination (might these be the names of the uninvited guests?) are drugs potent enough to interfere with the form. How many times have I managed to plant an idea inside myself and let it grow to fruition? Not many. It's a bit impossible for it to literally rain cats and dogs, the yellow child in my head will remain trapped in my head (hopefully so because there are times when the kid scares me a little), and chances are I'm not going to be owning a PS3 anytime soon. But ideas did manage to convince me that there is a purpose for every one of us, that the thorn by my side is secretly my friend with reason, that every cloud has a silver lining, and dentistry is precisely where I'm supposed to be at. That last bit might require one to stretch the imagination by a mile, but hey, if that's what it takes, then who could help it? It's not like I'm lying to myself, not really.

Labels: rants, thoughts

the game at the brink of lunacy

---
There was a yellow child on a rock wearing nothing but a tattered white dress,
and a big smile that showed teeth.

The young man reached out
(with his hand? with his heart?)
under the tall trees bending under the sea breeze,
and wrapped his cloak around those tiny shoulders.

He noticed the burn marks that spread across that small back;
and he saw a pair of snapping jaws that ended just above the shoulder blade,
a malicious eye peeked out from the holes in the dress,
with claws that encircled around the neck promising death.

'That's quite a vicious pet you have on your back there.'
'His name is Daniel. I think he's cute.'

The stench of flesh rotting under the sun rose and fell with the coming of the tide,
and he tentatively peered over the cliff
to greet the sight of the wreckage by the rocky shore.

There was a caravan,
two sturdy work horses
a man,
two women,
and a girl-
all shells bearing pathetic resemblance to their former selves.

'Were you in that accident? Is that how you got Daniel?'
'No, I wasn't. The little girl was, though.'
'Was?What happened?'
'The horses went crazy. They charged full speed towards the cliff and went whoop straight down. But she fell out in between all that racket, and had a bit of a tumble by the tree there. She seemed to be very sad about being left behind. But it's alright now. I pushed her down so that she gets to be with her family again.'

The waves made a loud crash against the cliff,
but all he heard was the roar of blood as his heart hammered loudly in its ribcage,
and all warmth escaped his body.

The image of the little child before him flickered,
but he tried to focus on the mop of yellow hair,
large amber eyes with a curious gaze,
and a Daniel riding on that small back.

---

Pardon me, but the thoughts in my head are in an incoherent state right now. It's like I have the bridge, but it's hanging in mid-air all by its lonesome self thinking, 'Well, aren't I a handsome bridge. But where do I start and where do I end?'

Labels: rants, story

kingdom come, kingdom of hearts

First and foremost, I'm a humble servant to the gaming world. I'm mostly a casual player, although in recent years my gaming activities have been severely limited thanks to dorm life that prohibits the... items necessary for me to dive headfirst into this guilty pleasure. I'm a reader, yes, I do a little writing, doodle here and there, watch anime, read manga, geek here geek there- but the greatest vice that occupies my every thought and pushes away the necessary TO-DO list (that'd be pharmaco conass this time around) like a scrap of garbage has got to be gaming.

And what better game to immerse myself than Kingdom Hearts? It has made me a zombie in front of the TV, continuously swearing and laughing and making the loudest of noises ever since the first installment came out. And now, it's 2010 and Kingdom Hearts: Birth by Sleep is a project ticked Done With Delight.

Kudos to Disney and Square Enix for the awesome gaming experience; from the engaging gameplay, fantastic orchestral performance, gorgeous CGs and right down to the ridiculous dialogue. It might have been less sappy when I was 13 and innocent to satire and parodies, but now even the simplest of friendly gestures get me cracked up.

Threesome, anyone?

Ahem. Well. Needless to say, I've never looked at Disney characters the same way ever again. It's important to note that Kingdom Hearts has managed to teach me a couple of things along the way. For example, it's obvious that friends are far more important than your family, so much so that even when your world is consumed by darkness and everybody disappears to various strange lands-- your priority should be to look for your friends. Not your mum who called you down for dinner, not the dad who God-knows-what-he's-doing, but your friends. Of course, it doesn't hurt to reminisce about them every now and then.

Next, contradictory to popular belief, long monologues do not bore people half to death. In fact, villains are encouraged to mutter about their plan in vague details whereas it's a must for heroes to constantly reassure themselves that their friends are always there for them.

Oh and, never ever trust silver-haired men.

Fuck you Ansem (faggot), fuck you Riku (he stole my Keyblade), fuck you Xehanort (for making KH bloody confusing), and last but not least, FUCK YOU Sephiroth (fucking DIE already!)

Wow, I think I've strayed. Or, as I prefer to put it, simply taken an obscenely long detour. Before I end this fangirl post of mine, and to avoid any confusion that may rise from the seemingly contradictory nature of this entry, I would like to reassure any other phemphems out there that yes I do like Kingdom Hearts. I just like to take jab and make fun of it as well. So relax, chill out, grab the controller, 'coz the game is on.

UPDATES:
--/06/2010- 3D announced at E3 (Nintendo 3DS)
07/09/2010- Birth By Sleep NA release (PSP)
07/10/2010- Re: coded Jap release (Nintendo DS)

Labels: games

miyu irino's voice makes me melt

!WARNING!
KINGDOM HEARTS SPOILERS AHEAD

And a rather gay-centric joke, but who cares about that.

---

Dark Riku: Sora. Come to me. Lets have babies.

Sora: Ooooh yeah, I knew you were gonna come around and confess to me eventually.
Riku: You smug bastard.

(Snapshot of their lovemaking. Square Enix censored the raunchy cutscene and tweaked Dark Riku to look like Stitch)

And the product?

****
****
****
****
****

DARK SORA! Or Vanitas watev.

He is Square Enixs' way of saying that the relationship between Riku and Sora goes beyond platonic friendship/brotherhood/camaraderie. It's canon, people.

And before I forget.

EID MUBARAK~!

Labels: games, rants, spoofs

it's ephemereal style

Very, very good pasta

Ramadhan is coming to an end, and it feels like all I've been doing is eat out for iftar. Had a reunion with Germaine and Alissa last Wednesday at Gardens' Italiannies. Shari was supposed to join us as well but she wasn't able to make it so the dinner seemed more like a 'SaYuKo-Authors-Reunion' kind of thing instead.

Truth be told, I was extremely nervous about the reunion. In fact, I'd never have gone out were it not for Ger taking the initiative to drag me out of my UM shell. It's just... times have changed, and I hate myself for speaking so poorly in front of them (fuck my grammar, I'm starting to lose a sense of vocabulary and pronunciation as well). Not to mention it felt very awkward when Germaine mentioned how close Alissa and I were and followed it with, 'Aren't you guys close anymore?'

I can just imagine the look of apprehension on our faces at that time.

We evaded the question by going on about how the two of us were asexual starfishes who managed to conceive Germaine on a drinking-night-gone-wrong. No contraceptive has ever been developed for starfishes, anyway.

Dinner at Italiannies was superb, and we were having a pretty interesting conversation going. In fact, it was rather fun. It was mostly typical catching up stuff, but I managed to introduce to them the ideas of Aldous Huxley from A Brave New World. Hahaha, Aliaa's excitement over the book has definitely rubbed off on me. Was sorely disappointed when Borders didn't have the book in stock. It's pretty hard to find actually.

The night ended in high notes, with promises of continuing and finishing SaYuKo collab, group hugs and what-not.

I took it all with a healthy pinch of salt.

Hey, it's called growing up. Maintaining friendship takes effort. I'll step my game up if you step up yours.

Still, the Italiannies peeps must have gotten sick of me. The day after that, Rai, Cha, Aliaa and I (Som was being a k****g- make up your mind, woman) had dinner there. I ordered Classic Carbonara again, of course. That pasta is a work of art!

Labels: food, relationships