Let's Open the Cookie Jar

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it's basically the inside of sakinah's brain.
but mercifully edited, censored, and anaesthesised with a heavy dose of prozac.

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Design: doughnutcrazy
Icon: morphine_kissed

the otaku rages

Sekaiichi Hatsukoi has been removed off Youtube. the only way i can watch it is by becoming a premium member over at Crunchyroll- which is very the peachy because hey, we support Nakamura Shungiku just as much as any fan. what? no account? then never mind, wait for the licensed DVD! remember to continue supporting the mangaka/studio/whoever-it-is-that-sweated-blood-and-tears-to-release-it.

fuck that shit because i have never seen any licensed anime DVD here in Malaysia. well, actually I did, that one time in Kinokuniya but that's inconsequential to the anime industry here in general.

you can walk into any DVD store here in Malaysia that sells anime and chances are you'll see nothing but bootleg. some have subs ripped from fansubbers, whereas others have fan-fucking-tastically awful subs that butcher the characters name, mix up sentences like sambal belacan in a blender and what's more, still retain that mysterious chinese character that doesn't quite translate to english and since the bootleggers don't really know what to do (nor do they care, pshaaw), they just left the random BE, JII, or misc crap like that in. i don't even know how to begin telling you how badly that irritates me. and how confusing was that sentence?

now i'll have to stomach the horrible subs, horrible video quality, annoying moving little icons (which doesn't make a fake any more legitimate, fucking idiots), all because of the nonexistent local anime rights. don't start on online shopping because i can't do shit like that.

not to mention the US div of Tokyopop is shutting down, hence bye bye Togainu no Chi, bye bye Tactics, bye bye- wait, i think that's all the title i'm following. . . no, there's also Qwan and Demon Flowes. . .oh sheesh. when i first started buying manga, i had always maintained a careful distance between myself and Tokyopop for some unknown reason. oh yea, because my first couple of manga were from Viz and ADV respectively and the sudden outpouring of so many Tokyopop titles on the bookshelves scared me a little. but then ADV collapsed, and the license for Tactics changed hands to Tokyopop so i was forced to support what i hated.

and from then on Tokyopop and I have a (one-sided) love/hate relationship. they made a passable job at translating Tactics at first, even adding in the translation notes at the end like what ADV did, but that eventually dwindled away to jackshit. kinda like Suikoden III and Wild Adapter. at first they-OHMYGODIJUSTREMEMBEREDWILDADAPTER*GAAAASP*

...that's it. i better stop now before it becomes a full blown rant against Stu Levy. it is really very sad that they're closing before they had a chance to improve and gain a solid standing in the manga market, but face it, Tokyopop has always had problems.

ah well. in the end i should focus on graduating and getting myself a credit card so i can finally buy things online and fill my future 2LDK apartment with towering stacks of manga and magazines, litter the floor and any available flat surface with amazingly detailed figurines and mecha, and put my 40'' plasma TV with surround sound and PS3 as the centerpiece of the living room, plus a sofa that can easily be converted into a bed. we won't need food because the convenience store is gonna be within walking distance.

i foresee an interesting future ahead as the useless shut-in dentist who makes money just so she can spend it online. yeah. amazing.

Labels: anime, manga, rants

not by a longshot, unfortunately

As much as I enjoy spending time on Tumblr (yes, it's been added to my ever-growing list of guilty pleasures), it is also making me feel very... how should I put this...

Dull.

Now I wish I have just a fraction of the creative talent from the amazing people I'm following on Tumblr, whose beautiful creations of art continuously spam my dash until I turn green with envy. I want to go off on a longer tirade of 'I wish I have I wish I could-' but wishing only works for Pinocchio and other Disney characters so we won't do that. Instead I'll say; I want to paint as good as that, I want to be able to see the world like that- oh God, how amazing it would be to capture the world and recreate it like that.

I wish I was more creative. My sister once commented that I never finish a drawing. Ever. Well, it took me 5 years to be brave enough to ink anything, so I reckon it'll be another 10 before I start playing with colours, and then it'll be another 15 years of insecurities and foolery before I even start thinking about the background. It's an uphill battle, and I'm not made for war.

So that's why I chose dentistry. It's practical, sensible, mighty bright future ahead, without a single hint of wacky creative juice being needed. Basically that means it's secure, predictable, and boring. Unless you count in the drama from dental students, those can get out of hand sometimes. Well, that's the one artsy bit of dentistry I guess. We've got a very colourful bunch of people.

Hahahahaha!! Get my joke? Colourful. Eh? Eh??

. . .Damn how I wish I was more creative -______________-

Labels: exams are fast approaching fuggit, thoughts

And then I said.................

I am listening to Shining Collection.

FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFYEA.

The only time when Shindou actually FEELS like a rocker and not some blathering gay idiot.

Oh, and Alissa invited me out to go watch Kitaros' live performance at Genting. At first, I thought she was talking about Gegege no Kitaro but then I remembered about the human-being-Kitaro-who-isn't-a-manga-character. Mmm yeah. I was tempted to accept the offer, won't lie, but Genting is just too far for me.

And there's that whole emotional side of things as well. It's complicated. I should probably clear things up with her first before we go off on any further funfunjoyjoy stuffs. And Alissa, if you're reading this, give me a call, babe ;)

People have been jokingly questioning my sexuality, turning it into some kind of game -___- It's... funny I guess. And tiring -___- Well, I can't exactly blame them considering the nonsense that spouts out of my mouth, and the way I act sometimes. I can honestly say that I'm straight, though.

Now I'm listening to Sleepless Beauty and by God, it's-it's- not as awesome as Shining Collection.

*switches tracks*

Back to whatever nonsense I was on. Admittedly, I don't feel totally comfortable being a girl. I hate having to scrutinise myself in front of the mirror each day and point out every single imperfection there is before coming to terms with it and just simply thank Allah for who I am. My legs are weird, granted, but I've walked using them my entire life and they have never failed me so far. Alhamdulillah. My face is pockmarked, granted, but I imagine my facial epithelium is struggling with it just as much as I am. I'm flat, without a hint of a curve and little feminine traits, but I fit into most clothes fairly easily. Alhamdulillah.

I'm still no Victoria Secret model though. I'm just me. And that's alright. I'm not out to impress any guys or girls out there, but simply myself. I've been thinking about this kind of things lately, so it might have pushed me to dress up a little bit more than usual on Friday. Hahaha, well, it was sort of fun. But I don't think I'll be doing much of that.

But frankly speaking, the next time somebody who has never walked with these legs of mine criticises them just one more time, I'll punch that person in the face. Or better yet, kick them in the crotch. Then we'll see just how cacat they are.

On another note Shindou/Kotani Kinya just took over the mic from Ryuichi/Iceman AND DAMN THAT WAS AWESOME!

Finals in two weeks and I've done jackshit. All I want to do right now is take my sisters' tablet and draw manly man fighting one another while screaming their TB-infested lungs out.

Lights out mofo'.

Labels: rants, thoughts

Inception conception

Sleep is one of the best times of the day. The other times being meals, showers, lazy reading sessions and really-seriously-awesome-deep-REM-sleep. When we sleep, we dream, whether we remember them or not. And in dreams, we let go of logic and just let ourselves be at the mercy of our imagination.

Men have tried to spin their interpretations to dreams, thus pinning them down with worldly reasons. Some believe that it speaks of the future, others believe that it is a manifestation of repressed desires. Or perhaps, dreams are mind projections showing us that this is who we really are. Whatever. I for one am a lot more interested in the unpredictable nature of dreams.

That said, I had a rather awesome dream last night. I usually dream in faded, washed out colours, dull grey being the predominant feel of things, and this time it was no different. I was at a convenience store, desperately looking for the toilet when somehow or other I decided that the refrigerator is a nice place to wait. There was an opened jug of milk on the shelf but little else, and the glass door was covered in droplets of a mixture of grime and water. Needless to say, I didn't stay there long.

When I came out, the toilet was available but a woman with shoulder-length black hair very rudely cut the line and slammed the door shut on me. Now that I look back on it, she was wearing a scarf and a very nice brown coat, ala Parisian. Still, that didn't excuse her for being a jackass and I complained about it to the store manager.

This is the part where the dream starts to become really weird, and awesome at the same time.

The manager was some tall gangly teenager with curly hair and a very odd hat, and he bent down on his knees in front of the toilet door to peep on the woman. Then he said, 'Oh that's not a woman. That's a demon. See, it's shedding it's skin. You can go in now, sir.'

A big, scary, bulky demon with horns and stout legs and muscular arms that only know how to crush and kill. I'm a scaredy-cat, so I quickly vacated my present body and became some sort of omniscient being that watches the unfolding events from a safe distance, ready to wake up in case things got too scary. Then I saw that the person that I was, was not me at all. It was Ranmyaku wearing a very loose pajama kimono, and there was another larger bulky demon right behind him. In that weird omniscient power that you have in dreams, I knew that the second demon was his servant, although their relationship is ambiguous at best. The dream had also turned very vivid on me, and I could see every strand of yellow hair on Ranmyaku's head, the whorls in the timber of the toilet door, the tiles, the store- everything became so rich in colour and amazing.

Ranmyaku however, did not share my joy at this newfound discovery. He was not a morning person, and he badly wanted to pee. At first, he kicked at the toilet door with his foot (Japanese straw sandals!) but when the demon inside didn't give any response, he simply broke it down with sheer force. The demon inside skulked and bulged within the restricted quarters, drool trailing down it's jaws, and it growled angrily at Ranmyaku. That did nothing for him though. In fact, he seemed sleepy and bored. He might have said something to the demon at this point in time, but I can't remember what it was. All I know is that the demon lunged forward at Ranmyaku with a roar.

I'll admit, I got scared. I used the demon-servant as my own protection, and I was silently shouting at Ranmyaku to do something. He did. He pulled out a scythe from the thin air and sliced the demon's head right off. And then he pulled up his kimono robes and peed into the urinals next to carcass just like that.

It was awesome. The sequence of events was weird, certainly, but I love it when Ranmyaku or Khaos or Nich become part of my dream. They always give me a sense of absolute power, that nothing can stop me, and the dream totally becomes mine. It was certainly better than Som's, anyway. That one was just plain weird.

Labels: awesome, rants