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you know about the voices that speaks in your head?i listen to them somtimes. most of the times. sometimes they tell me good things. sometimes they make me wish for bad things. |
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it's basically the inside of sakinah's brain.but mercifully edited, censored, and anaesthesised with a heavy dose of prozac. tagboard
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The Typhoon of Unrest
My second day at work and, well, it's not going all that well. I made a bunch of mistakes with my data transfer, forcing my teacher to redo them- while grumbling to herself every now and then. However she has been tremendously sweet to me, and I felt immensely guilty about throwing double the workload on her when I'm supposed to be helping her somewhat. Although it couldn't be helped since I have no experience working in an office whatsoever, and I don't even have the slightest clue as to what sort of information am I feeding Excel. Not to mention the fact that it gets very awkward for me at the workplace makes me desire for another job all the more. Starbucks is sounding more and more like a good idea all the while as my guilt and awkwardness festers and grows.Even so I do not wish to disappoint Abah. Gah, such conflicting thoughts and emotions! On a lighter, bitchier note, I just think that humankind in general is terribly arrogant. Especially the 'Children of Modernisation', myself included. To deny the helping hand of faith in times of strife, swatting it away as the other hand opts for various (other) means of salvation is a common exit route many take as of late, yet to fully discredit God later on at the end of the road is somewhat proof of that arrogance. That is to say it is almost like one denies the niggling conscience at the back of one's mind, the voice that whispers words of encouragement when all else falters. Perhaps this would come out souding trite and, well, preachy, yet one forgets too often that God works His ways such that it's not necessary for man to know of, and not all as it seems is as it is. As a result, the strength of belief locked in the depths of the soul slowly corrodes, eaten away by harsh doubts, the growing skepticism, and replaced by a new concrete yet see-through man-made defenses, built by the much 'critically'-acclaimed experience and new thoughts that one garnered. The sight of a crumbling faith is pathetic, wretched, and ultimately heartbreaking. Yet as a self-acclaimed 'Child of Modernisation', these eyes see the change with a shrug of the shoulders, and a simple bitter smile. Already the darkness of the present age creeps into the mind, blurring ones' judgement, yet clarifying the situation. This is the way the world is. This is the way the world is to be. It's obscure and murky, and shrouded in uncertainty. Fueled perhaps by billions of people on earth witnessing the decay and subsequent downfall of the supposed glorious age of religion, their beliefs are turned elsewhere. Communism, atheism, capitalism, hippy-ism (if there is such a term); all in the hope to fill in that certain part of us which is unseen, undetected, yet felt. The soul. Why does man act the way man does? Why does man choose, instead of accepting? Why is man the way man is? Questions after barrages of questions, endless, unceasing. Questions that drive man to turn to the truth, yet at the same time wrenching the answer out of his hands. Or perhaps; more appropriately, clouding the verdict from his sight. It'd take a miracle to cure man of his arrogance. PS- Yes, I am disappointed. And yet uncaring. Choice has been one of man's many gifts. One man does not decide how another man leads his life. It'd be inhumane. |